Ring of truth here... false modesty be darned, I might as well give it a try.Right now, say it out loud: “I’m so proud of myself.” The rush of strength and expansiveness that comes from declaring this honestly is the antidote to paralysis and the beginning of wonderful adventures, and each time you choose that, instead of shame, you really should be proud.
Ten I'm-Proud-of-Myself Things:
- I am proud of myself for passing up the free samples of funnel cake and cinnamon rolls at the grocery store again today.
- I am proud of myself for 52 days of abstaining from cake, cookies, ice cream, chocolate, pastries, pie and candy.
- I am proud of myself for 52 days of abstaining from overeating until I am beyond full.
- I am proud of myself for walking 2.2 miles on most of the 52 days since joining OA.
- I am proud of myself for starting a daily arm exercise program.
- I am proud of myself for my efforts at staying honest and true in writing this blog.
- I am proud of myself for attempting to feel my feeling and for telling my best friend she didn't need to fix my sadness yesterday.
- I am proud of myself for asking my husband for help with this list.
- I am proud of myself for making an "excellent dinner and then doing the dishes on top of that." (My husband's suggestion...)
- I'm so proud of (and shocked at) myself for writing this list and posting it.
Five days ago I wrote on your other blog that I was coming straight here to read this one and that is what I did. I read Dance 1, Dance 2, and Dance 3 - in that order, and then I went to the very first post and read every word you painted and every comment. It has taken me until now to reach this post because there was a lot to read (really read and absorb) but also because the depth of feeling was too much for me to handle in one sitting. Virtually every post there was so much I wanted to say to you but I set myself the goal of not commenting until I had read everything (otherwise I would have been here until July!)
ReplyDeleteI am not a compulsive overeater but so much of what you say resonates with me. Childhood wounds that have shaped and scarred me. I started to changes me a few years ago and with the help of the loveliest, most supportive and inexhaustibly patient man I have made excellent progress. I am proud of myself :-)
This could turn into an awfully long comment - I will try to contain myself. Two specific things I wanted to comment on. Do you know that your goals are SMART? S - specific, M - measurable, A - achievable, R - relevant, T - time-bound. Your goals fit this model and that is why you are doing so well sticking to them and you are doing INCREDIBLY well. I am PROUD of YOU :-)
Rewards, when I decided to give up smoking I planned to reward myself with a massage when I had quit for one month. It was something to look forward too, it was stress busting and it was a positive thing to do with the money I saved not buying cigarettes. You have to choose something meaningful to you but can I suggest a pedicure as your 10th reward. It might help with the pain in your heel, which will make walking more enjoyable and it can be a great stress buster for some people.
When I identify a 'problem' in my life, I ask myself 2 questions, "Can I change it?" and "Do I want to do what it takes to change it?". If the answer to either question is no, then I work on letting it go. I don't always succeed at this, but often I am getting better at it.
Now some of the emotions that your words have evoked in me. SHOCK! shock at some of your confessions, shock that you are not the super confident, together woman that I thought you are, shock that you do not know how much you are loved.
GRIEF, grief for the little girl and all the pain you suffered, grief for the woman who has carried the burden of that pain all her life, grief for me for the memories stirred and revisited. JOY, joy that you have started on your journey, joy in every step you have taken, joy for every temptaion rejected (actually I cheered and punched the air when you walked past the samples - good job I am working from home today). BELIEF, belief that you will stick to your eating plan, belief that you will discover the root of your compulsive overeating, belief that you will heal yourself. I am full of admiration that you have the strength and courage to change your life and that you can be so candid and honest in public like this.
Sorry if I have gone on too much. Sorry if I have said too much about me when this blog is about you.
By the way, I think that you are PERFECT - a perfectly normal human being. I hope that you can let go of the sadness and let the happiness flood in, let it wash over you and heal you.
Why is it that so many of us don't focus on these things but instead choose to thing about the stuff we are NOT proud of? The whole time I read down you list I kept thinking you should also be proud of what a great blog friend you are - supportive and motivating and inspiring:)
ReplyDeleteDear robin, you've been a guiding light to me for many years, artistically speaking, and now you're going along another path and I'm following here too.
ReplyDeleteI see great courage in you, especially in your willingness to share your pain, something I've not yet found the courage to do. But maybe I'll be able to follow you there too some day...
I'm proud of you, too. I think maybe I'll go make myself that kind of list. It will do me good. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you, too! That's an awesome list! Glad that you own it!
ReplyDeleteGoodness gracious, now you've got ME smiling from ear to ear! :) That's quite a list! I'm so happy you found some benefit to the little exercise. I plan to do it frequently.
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