The Poet's Trick!

Reading Karen's recent post, I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Thing, reminds me of a trick I learned from a recovering alcoholic. She has a very addictive personality with issues around sex, alcohol and food. She is also a brilliant writer, poet and teacher. I wrote in a poetry group with her for several years and was always impressed with her insights and compassion regarding addiction.

The trick she taught me is to be mindful of when the voice begins to say things like:

• Just one bite!
• We need this
• We deserve this
• Do it just this one last time
• Oooh that tastes good, let's just have a little bit more
• We'll be good tomorrow for sure

When the voice first taps on her shoulder, she looks immediately for a mind distraction. If she's in her car, she begins to count every red car she sees. If the voice penetrates this distraction, she increases the mind chore by also keeping track of every blue car she sees. If there are no cars, she counts trees. If there is nothing to count, she attempts to recite a memorized poem backwards.

During her addiction recovery, she developed a whole bag of mental exercises that she used to confuse and then silence the voice. She claims it only takes a few minutes before sanity returns.

As I wrote here previously, I used to have issues with love addiction. I would constantly obsess (and that's what it is, isn't it... whether it's a drink, a person or chocolate ice cream) about whatever man I currently had a crush on. When I began to obfuscate my own mind with counting cars or naming every teacher I'd ever had or naming state capitals (never could recite poetry, let alone backwards), the obsessive thinking went away. Yes, it came back. Yes, I did more counting. The point is, whenever I was mindful and used her trick, I could remain sane.

Somehow, I never really attempted to use her trick with food obsessing. And right now, one day at a time, I do not seem to have a problem with it.

I believe that addiction (and food obsessing) has it's roots somewhere in avoidance, especially avoidance of feelings. I believe that it is important for me to do more than silence the obsessive voice... that I must also learn to feel my feelings and explore the many layers of my past stuffed under years of over eating. Lots of work to do ahead. Yet at the moment of obsession tapping me on the shoulder, I hope I'll remember "the poet's trick!"