Three Things I CAN Change

Crabby, out of sorts today... and not much accomplished. Lots of food thoughts. Actually I don't consider the things I was thinking about as food.

For a couple of months, my husband and I were both addicted to apple (him) and blueberry (me) fritters... the gigantic fluffy kind, mighty sweet, mighty full of calories and mighty emply of anything else. We'd talk about splitting one, but often we each got one thinking that we'd have half one day and half the next. Ha! Never happened.

So today I got to thinking about those fritters and a huge craving started growing. Although I knew I wouldn't give into the craving, it has stuck with me all day.

Another thing on my mind was a type of home-made, dark chocolate almond toffee that I saw at our local grocery market yesterday when I was shopping. When I saw it, I actually picked up a celophane bag of it, held it in my hand, admired the darkness of the chocolate and the thickness of the toffee.

Today, thinking about it, I began to feel sorry for myself.... began to think about never, ever having such a delicious treat again. One day at a time went out the window, replaced by deprivation depression.

My husband says I should remember how much chocolate I've eaten in my 67 years and reconfigure my thinking to see that I've used up my chocolate quota, punched all the holes in the ticket, been there done that.

The good news is, for this one day I did not deviate from my food plan at all... despite the cravings. The not so hot news is, I don't have a clue what is going on emotionally (or IF anything is going on emotionally) that has triggered this craving.

I'll see if a Ten Things List will help. Ten things that might be behind me to wanting to consume binge foods today:

1. Mother's Day blues... my mom being far away and not being able to talk on the phone with her or communicate with her directly.
2. Mother's Day blues... me not having any kids.
3. My messy and disorganized work spaces in our house.
4. Not setting aside chunks of time to work on my art projects.
5. Feeling lonely.
6. My best woman friend not being available lately.
7. Frustration about noise levels; my husband always having radios and TV going in every room and always his choice of music.
8. Not enough time alone in peace and quiet.
9. Head and eye pain from squinting (wearing 10-year old glasses while new prescription is being filled)
10. Worry about the world, oil spill, financial system, overpopulation, environment, etc.

Well, yes, it's probably a combination of these things, maybe some others too... So, I just thought about the serentiy prayer... Don't know it yet by heart... Checking on line... Ah, here it is:

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Taking a look at my list again, what CAN I change? Numbers 3, 4 and 8 are definite canidates. OK, dear journal, here's the deal. I am making a commitment right now:

1. For each of the next 5 days, I will clean up/organize at least one area, starting this evening with the clutter right around my computer. I will report my progress each day.
2. For each of the next 5 days, I will spend at least one hour working on an art project. I will report my progress each day.
3. For each of the next 5 days, I will go wherever I need to go to be alone with no radio or TV sounds for at least one hour. I will report my progress each day.

We shall see how it goes. I want to be like PJ and not beat myself up if I fail to meet this commitment. Also, like her, I want to give it high priority, because they ARE things I can change.