- I've not binged or eaten even a tiny crumb of my binge foods for 35 days. I feel great about making an abstinence commitment to myself and keeping it, thus honoring and respecting myself enough not to cheat.
- I'm doing well sticking to my food plan.
- I'm much more comfortable in my jeans; almost time to downsize!
- My digestive system likes my food plan; not needing Tums and anti-acid tablets.
- I feel supported by the OA structure and group members.
- I enjoy writing this journal blog.
- The blogging community is supportive, inspirational, fun and instructive.
- My husband is pleased with me for doing this.
- One day at a time works!
- My craving for sweets seems to be diminishing!
- It difficult for me not to stop eating when I'm not hungry when there is still food on my plate.
- I sometimes "taste" foods and nibble while I am preparing meals. This is not part of my food plan.
- I read a blog last night that totally slammed OA. It upset me to think that I could fail at regaining my sanity. I need to remember that many people remain "clean and sober" for the rest of their lives. I can be like those people.
- My best friend is gone again. I miss her.
- I had a nice burst of doing my art work, but have relapsed again into procrastination.
- I haven't found a form of prayer that works for me yet.
- Sometimes I feel like a fake... like I'm role-playing this sobriety process... saying and doing the "right" things, yet not fully engaged.
- I'm having a problem with significant heel pain (despite ice, Aleeve, changing shoes) which means I'm not walking very much. I miss it.
- I tend to forget that change happens in baby steps. It feels like I'm rushing to feel my feelings, find faith, make amends and radically alter my eating habits all at once... forgetting to breathe and love what I love.
- The scale is calling me.
What is one thing in the second list that I can change? #5... I can change that. OK, I will. I hereby make a public commitment to work for at least one hour per day on my current art project for 5 days starting right now. I shall stop writing, stop blogging and go to the studio immediately. Oh boy, oh boy!!!
Good evening to you, PeacefulBird ~ as I read this post, I responded most strongly to #6 on your not-quite-so-good list. Purely subjective on my part, I know, but a strong response nonetheless...
ReplyDeleteLet me preface by saying that I was raised in a very strict religion and followed it with my whole heart and soul until around age 20. I was devout and I loved my father/mother God with every fiber of my being. Prayer to this God was an every day occurrence. Ingrained. Like breathing. When I parted ways with my upbringing of *organized religion* and set myself loose from structured tenets, it never occurred to me that I might one day need, or even desire, a new "god" and a way to pray that was purely my own - not based in any religion.
But that day/those days came. I could no longer talk with God in my old way as I had walked away from those beliefs and was adrift...yes, the perfect word...adrift. I had cast my own self adrift. On the one hand, the choice was empowering. On the other, how would I now say a blessing, make a spiritual commitment...how would I pray?
Which brings me to your #6.
God - any definition of god - is to be found in the most personal of places for each one of us, this I believe. No longer being within a church structure or singing hymns or studying scripture, I was alone walking one day and realized - not sure exactly how - that nature was my *new* church. I was so in awe of the pulse of LIFE all around me, I stopped dead in my tracks and looked up, past tree tops, past bird song, to wind, to clouds, to new thoughts on high. THIS was my life force. And that moment freed me to pray again! My god was the natural world and the natural rhythm of things and this has remained with me for over 30 years.
I guess what I'm trying to convey, PB, is that when some forms of prayer don't work, remain receptive...and easy with yourself. Prayer may come from an entirely different direction than we expect. Yet when it finds you - and I believe this, IT finds YOU.
I don't know if this helps at all. Just my story & maybe something here will touch a chord, joggle a thought, or make you say, "Oh Lordy, Sweetpea, whatintheworld are you think'in, girl?!?!?"...
A huge hug to you, my friend.
I think it is great that you wrote these out and then took the next step to see what you could change.
ReplyDeleteDid you see that they are doing a TV show next season about two people who met at OA?
I found this site on someone else's blog and saved it to favorites. I like it because it seems to not ascribe to any set religion, and it opens my eyes to different mindsets and opinions. You are as easily bound to see words from Thoreau as you are Jesus, Mohammed, Gandhi, or a native american elder. This seems quite right to me. I don't always understand or like what I read, but it gives me something to think about and meditate on. It's a connection to a higher power that is universal for some.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.worldprayers.org/prayerwheel/index.html
To Sweatpea ~ This is THE most helpful perspective on prayer I've heard/read to date. THANK YOU soooo much! I'll email you privately about it...
ReplyDeleteTo Karen ~ Nope didn't see that... don't watch much TV at all, but it sounds like an interesting premise for a show.
To PJ ~ Interesting that both you and Sweetpea picked up on the real CRUX of my two lists. Thanks so much for this link. I shall go there immediately!