often in restaurants
and in my case
in family homes
are certainly more challenging
than when safely in one's own home
yesterday I picked up rolls
at a scrumptious bakery
as my contribution to dinner
samples
omg! samples!
long one of my greatest downfalls
some sort of cinnamon-swirl goodie
and something with frosting and nuts
didn't think
forgot about my food plan
entirely
I'll try a sample of that one, I said
carried it to my car
along with the rolls I purchased
seat-belted myself
and took a big chomp
ooooops, this is sweet
ooooops, frosting
ooooops, this thing isn't a bread sample
shall I finish eating it?
I'm in my car eating it
knowing it's technically an abstinence food
knowing I don't eat in my car anymore
knowing I'm eating between meals
which also I don't do anymore
did I spit it out? no
did I throw the other two bites out? no
did I eat them
even though I knew it was
in violation of both my
food plan and abstinence list?
yes
I'm sorry to say, mea culpa
what now?
shall I start my abstinence count again
yes, I suppose so
I don't want to start again
loving and being attached
to the number 90
today's number
I really resist
setting the counter
back to zero
but I will
because that's the truth
and the way it works best
is to stick with the truth
I forgive myself
for yesterday's mistake
wrapping the truth of it
around my neck
like a beautiful scarf
and move along the path
of today's food choices
armed this time
with greater awareness
and a stronger commitment
to feel my feelings
first
before reaching for samples
or whatever is offered
another hard lesson learned.....BUT
ReplyDeleteyou forgive yourself. The very best line of your post.
Congratulations.
Well, okay... Forgiving yourself and NOT using the slip as an excuse to just say, "Hey, I'll just have more and more now that I've done this because I'm off my program anyway." So good for you. Here's to another Day One, and many more days of success!
ReplyDeleteOh no - I have also put something into my mouth before realizing it was not in keeping with my plan. Darn those samples. But bravo to you for your honesty with yourself.
ReplyDeleteLike the Course In Miracles says....
ReplyDeleteIt's about correction
Not punishment!
Forgive yourself this very minor indulgence,
Fundamentally, yes, an error....
Technically..... a minor error!
And back on track we go!
Oh, PB, you are so darn honest. I admire you for that!
ReplyDeleteWhatever works for you. Starting the count over. Giving yourself half-credit. Docking yourself a day or two.
The forgiveness part is the most important. No brow-beating of self for whatever the revised "count" is. You are a gem!