What's In My Car?

what's in my car?
secrecy
safety
hiding place

safe place to eat
a whole cheesecake
a Dove bar
a box of cookies

nobody will know
if I eat in my car
holding it below the windows
watchful for people I know

mindless binging
eating in my car
sometimes a daily habit
for decades

but only once
in the past 138 days
the fresh bakery bread
two days ago

a friend notices
the red flag
eating in my car
and calls me on it

she suggests
I wonder if car eating
is something you should think
about not doing

she's right
it's on my abstinence list
no more crumbs to clean
before they're noticed

my car and I
will form a new relationship
long solo road-trip ahead
a place to feel my feelings

no more hiding
no more secrecy issues
freedom and sanity
are my rewards

Home Again... (A Few Trip Photos at the End)

at this moment
nothing seems to be working very well
trying to identify and feel my feelings
a sense of despair
like low lying fog
obscuring the sun


That's the truth of the moment... hopefully it will pass, maybe later this afternoon when my neighbor and I take our 2 mile walk with her pup dogs. They're Westies - very peppy and cute. Actually, it lifts my mood just to think of them. We haven't walked for a week and a half... I miss the exercise, my time with her and the pups very much.

Now that we're home again and our county fair is over, I have no excuses... It's time to get back to my food plan and start exercising again.

The motorcycle ride was tough in many ways... extreme heat, two break downs, restaurant eating, energy depletion. It brought out the worst of my entitlement thinking, which resulted in some overeating and poor food choices.

Or, looking at it in a different way... despite stress and hardship, I made some good food choices and managed to stick with my meal plan part of the time. And despite temptations, I didn't eat any of my binge foods! (Oh, I like that better!)

The other good things about the trip are that I managed to stay fairly positive, to look for and find interesting people and things along the way, and to conquer my 30-year aversion to being seen in a swimsuit.

So why, two and a half days after returning, am I so blue? I don't know.

Think I'll end this post on a more positive note by posting a few of my trip photos...

Character we met at a gas station.


My bike and a horseman near a pay phone.


Bare back highway rider.


Yakima River, blue highway follows the canyon.


Temps over 100 for five days of our ride.


Some smart chalk artist marked a remedy for the heat...


Sure fix for a hot biker.


Milky jade, the actual color of the water above Diablo Dam.


We drove into quite the headwind on the last day.

Swimmin' Victory!

OK, more cycle problems
Clutch cable got cobbled together
this morning
finally

Got on the road at noon
102 degrees
hotter with the engine heat
and heat rising from hwy pavement

Long, long ride
to make up for time lost yesterday
gripe, gripe, gripe
sweat, sweat, sweat

Just when we thought we had it in the bag
with only an hour to go
to reach our
pre-planned reservations for the night,
WHAMMO
husband's bike
clutch cable broke
again
dead in the heat

Tow into nearest town
no dealer
no cycle repair shop
oh well, c'est la vie

Husband waits for tow truck
while I cycle into town
and find a motel

motel has an indoor/outdoor
swimming pool and hot tub

I haven't worn a bathing suit
for 30 years
denied myself swimming
for that long
because of self-conscious
embarrassment
about my body

Virginia in motel office,
noticing my red (from heat) face,
encourages me to use the pool
No suit, I say
No problem, she says,
there's a Walmart right up the highway.

Here's the victory...

I bought a swim suit
and had a fabulous swim
and soak
and swim
and soak
and swim again!

Oh fabulous victory!!!!!
Oh beautiful cooling water!!!!

We have to find
a parts dealer
somewhere in this country
that will express ship
a clutch cable here.

In the meantime,
guess I'll be swimmin'
and stayin' cool
whooo-hooooo!