Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Takes More Than Abstinence

Day 139 of abstinence today, close to 5 months with no chocolate, candy, cookies, cake, pie, ice cream or pastries, not even a smidgen or a taste. These days have gone by well:

-- I don't feel deprived
-- The voices, the internal dialogs about having treats, are gone
-- I feel pretty good physically
-- I'm getting better at feeling my feelings
-- Mutual friendship and respect are improving with my husband
-- I'm starting to trust in OA, enough to give away my quality "fat clothes"
-- Little by little I am developing faith in a higher power

Apparently, however, it takes more than abstinence from binge foods to go from size 12 down to size 10 jeans. I've been wearing 12's for about 4 months... tight at first, then comfortable, then holding steady for a long time. I've stopped getting smaller.

I know what the problem is. I haven't stuck to my food plan. Bringing it out, dusting it off, here it is: three meals a day, nothing between meals, no seconds, no more per meal than will fit on one plate or in one bowl. This is a simple meal plan. And it works. In my first 5 months of OA (prior to the current 139 days of abstinence), I went from extremely tight size 18 jeans to loose size 14 jeans. In those months, I pretty much stuck to the food plan.

Since then, binge-food abstinence has been perfect, but I gradually ramped up the amount of food I was eating for meals, plus I added nibbling and then outright eating between meals.

Wake up, peaceful bird! This is overeating! Do I want to continue overeating? NO! Do I want to wear size 10 jeans and take an additional load off my knees and feet? YES! I need help to get back on and then to stick with the plan. HELP! I can not seem to do this by myself. I ask my higher power to take over here. I surrender my will.

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Gratitude for today: Lake Briggs (serene, beautiful, quiet) and the good people who built the trails so we could go there


  1. I wish you courage and strength, Peaceful Bird. You've come a long way and done very well, I think. 139 days seems like a big deal to me. Congratulations on that! Sometimes things have a way of creeping back, but you spotted this and that puts you ahead of the game. I might write out my food plan and put it up in in the kitchen where I'd see it and remind myself, and maybe in my studio, too, where I sometimes think an extra snack is a good way to avoid a difficult piece of art.

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  3. I know that you have not posted this fishing for praise but praise is in order. You have done incredibly well so far. Not that you have acknowledged the slide from your food plan, I know that you will regroup and pay more attention to that aspect.

    I'm really proud of you for coming this far and hope the universe will listen to your pray and send you what you need.

  4. Good for you! On your abstinence and the peace it is bringing you. And on realizing it was time to reevaluate and regroup.

  5. I love programs. I once studied to be an LCDC counselor. So I mean this with the utmost respect.
    One Day At A Time is awesome.
    But really, it's bigger than that.... and smaller somehow. Moment to moment...
    So I had to think broader in terms of time. I had to say, for example:
    Just This Summer no bread. (or whatever)
    Just this year no Easter candy.
    Just this month no sweet treats.
    Just this Spring - no snacking between meals.
    And it had the same effect as ODAAT did before.
    It became the "glue" that joined my recovery program together.
    Must I give up Nibbling forever?
    No! But just for (this time), I chose to!
    After all, it's for a good cause - our very lives!
    Not to mention our sanity!
    Breathe - you are doing fine, PB!


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