The topic at our OA meeting today came from the daily reading.
What causes it and what can I do about it?
Thinking about this topic (with the contributions of other members in mind), I notice that making decisions, for me, is often something that causes a lot of stress and anxiety.
- I have it in mind that there is ONE RIGHT (or PERFECT) decision; and therefore one or more wrong decisions.
- Many times, I get it in my mind that a decision is an either/or deal
- Often, fear of making a decision is based on fear that my husband will not approve of my decision, or that he will prefer that I take a different path than the one which most appeals to me. These fears keep me from discussing the decision with him at all, keeping me stuck in a state of indecision. Sometimes this fear makes me sneaky... eventually making a decision, but not telling him about it until whatever it is is a "done deal," which isn't a very good thing for our marriage.
- Somehow, I grew up with the "damned if I do and damned if I don't" belief about decision making. Since I prefer not to be damned, I sit on the fence forever sometimes.
- Decisions feel like ending points. Make a decision and stick with it. Make a decision and that's the end of that.
- I don't have to be perfect. My decisions don't have to be perfect or right.
- Most decisions do not have to be either/or. Most of the time, I can consider and take more than one path.
- Dealing with my husband's disapproval regarding my decisions is difficult. But keeping our communications open and honest is a priority. I respect his right to disagree with my decisions and my own right to make decisions he doesn't like.
- What about changing the old rag? My new mantra is: "blessed if I do and blessed if I don't."
- A decision is never an end. A decision is a new beginning. From the moment of every decision there is a journey to take along a pathway with many more decision points.
- Saying the Serenity Prayer helps in times of indecision.