Saturday, July 23, 2011

Book = Stress = Graze

THE BOOK is taking all of my time. I'm stressed to the max about every part of it... the contract, the deadlines, the enormity of it and of how much I have to learn before I can write certain parts of it. Akkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. There aren't enough k's in the universe to spell the Akkkkkkkkkkkkkkk I'm feeling these days.

I'm still abstinent. Solidly!

But the grazing is bugging me. Every time I have to go near the kitchen, which is often because it's the pathway to the only bathroom in our odd little house, I stop and check all the food places... the shelves, the cupboards, the counter and the refrigerator.

Sometimes I tell myself, "I don't overeat anymore. I'm getting out of here."

Sometimes I tell myself, "This is rotten. I need something. I need peanut butter on a cracker" (or some such nonsense). Then I fall into the food trap, trying to soothe my jangled nerves by sending something to my belly. It doesn't work. As soon as I leave the kitchen (where I've just consumed the something standing up), the jangle is back.

The only solution that works is to get away from the computer, take a break and go walking in the woods. Then, and only then, I can forget for a few moments the millstone around my neck. Oh, it's not so bad. Periodically I have fun with it, enjoy the challenge, enjoy the process. Then I remain glued to the computer or my studio and forget all about eating. "Why can't it always be like that," she whined????????

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Today's gratitude: the woods, music in the park, Mahler's first symphony. our garden, Deb Will Be Free (who gave me the nod that influenced me to write this post), beads, the guest contributors to my book, Liz (who had a birthday yesterday), our funny cat, OA meeting tomorrow morning!


  1. I know that anxiety feeling, especially as relates to work and deadlines. Our lives here are ruled by the Almighty Deadline. Seems like you've found an ideal solution, getting out and walking, being away from all that and just moving around. It may be the best and possibly the only way to settle that jangle.

  2. You are a smart woman - maybe you need to look at this differently and see what ideas come to you. What would you say to ME if I was the one stressed and turning to food. If I was the one grazing.

  3. Agree with Karen....what would you say to me if this was my post

  4. Oh, I hear you. I get so annoyed with myself when something wonderful occurs, something I want to happen, and I rob myself of most of the enjoyment with anxiety. Needless, tormenting anxiety.

    I'm going thru that now, as a matter of fact. Just soooo unnecessary. An old prof of mine would say, "Is that working for you?" Me, "NO!" Prof, "Then we need to change that." sigh. The sigh is definitely me.

    And, of course, when one is a compulsive eater, anxiety prompts one to medicate with compulsive eating. Go figure. Yes--AAAccckkkkk! is the right word.

    When I'm talking to God about my own needless anxiety--I'll add you to my prayers. :D

    But, YAY! for staying away from the trigger foods! :D I'm Jonesin for some ice cream myself--a half gallon of ice cream. I've managed to stay away, too. Also, YAY!


  5. What happened to that little rock you carried in your pocket to rub when the beast beckoned. Maybe you need the charm. But you have come a long way and certainly know yourself much better than you did a year ago. You'll make it through the next six months just as well.

  6. Boy, I could really see myself in your description... of wanting that "something".. .and then immediately the "jangle" comes right back. Yep.

    I don't have any magical answers to offer. But I've found that for me, pro-active little rituals help. Yeah, they are substitutes, but it at least helps. Like making a big pot of yummy herbal tea, and sipping it. I find that calming. Others have their own substitutions... I was just thinking of it as something to go TO, rather than just the avoiding of the kitchen... the running FROM. Actually, I guess I do both, LOL!

    I hope you find your groove, and can really enjoy this as a blessing. Changing our long standing habits...yeah, that's what we are all working on. :-)

    Yay you for still staying abstinent in spite of the stress!


  7. Hospice nursing is often "feast or famine"
    as they say! For a while we are sooo busy....
    Then nothing at all for a week!

    The grazing is probably one of those skills
    we had all better learn to manage...
    Maybe like the difference between an amateur and a pro sports figure.... (or any thing, really!)

    Glad you are doing well!

  8. have missed you. One thing that works for me is to pre plan what snacks I can have. literally a fruity snack , a veggie snack, a salty , a sweet. knowing that I can have one or two of those snacks depending on my mood at that time..takes some of the draw away from looking around the kitchen . Even preparing the snack in the morning--like deviled eggs, or peanubutter / celery and knowing it can be spaced out whenever I feel hungry. Taking a walk in the woods though --that is the #1 best scenario before the snacking. This is a special time even though it's KRAZY..enjoy it too.

  9. Robin, every post you write seems to strike a special chord. I do the same - feel stress - wander by the fridge - decline to eat - feel stress - wander by the kitchen, take a small snack, eat it standing up. It's not helped by medically needing to graze, instead of eating large meals. I just have to watch what I'm grazing on and make sure the chocolate muffins don't push to the front of the fridge and speak the loudest. They have a way of out-shouting the carrots and nuts.

    I am 3 sizes smaller than I was in December, 2010, and intentionally dropping a pound a week now and feeling better about everything. You have been a great inspiration.


  10. Hi Robin

    I hope all is well with you and that the lack of posts is purely down to lack of time due to your current work schedule.

    I know the blog is not your top priority right now and don't want to make you feel like you 'should' be posting but would like to know that you are ok.


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