Saturday, May 19, 2012

Indecision ~ The Beast and Maybe Some Cures

The topic at our OA meeting today came from the daily reading.


What causes it and what can I do about it?

Thinking about this topic (with the contributions of other members in mind), I notice that making decisions, for me, is often something that causes a lot of stress and anxiety.
  1. I have it in mind that there is ONE RIGHT (or PERFECT) decision; and therefore one or more wrong decisions.
  2. Many times, I get it in my mind that a decision is an either/or deal
  3. Often, fear of making a decision is based on fear that my husband will not approve of my decision, or that he will prefer that I take a different path than the one which most appeals to me. These fears keep me from discussing the decision with him at all, keeping me stuck in a state of indecision. Sometimes this fear makes me sneaky... eventually making a decision, but not telling him about it until whatever it is is a "done deal," which isn't a very good thing for our marriage.
  4. Somehow, I grew up with the "damned if I do and damned if I don't" belief about decision making. Since I prefer not to be damned, I sit on the fence forever sometimes.
  5. Decisions feel like ending points. Make a decision and stick with it. Make a decision and that's the end of that.
Today's meeting gave me some tools for dealing with the above decision-busters!
  1. I don't have to be perfect. My decisions don't have to be perfect or right.
  2. Most decisions do not have to be either/or. Most of the time, I can consider and take more than one path.
  3. Dealing with my husband's disapproval regarding my decisions is difficult. But keeping our communications open and honest is a priority. I respect his right to disagree with my decisions and my own right to make decisions he doesn't like.
  4. What about changing the old rag? My new mantra is:  "blessed if I do and blessed if I don't."
  5. A decision is never an end. A decision is a new beginning. From the moment of every decision there is a journey to take along a pathway with many more decision points. 
  6. Saying the Serenity Prayer helps in times of indecision.


  1. The first time I read the Serenity Prayer, it changed my life. A prior employer/friend once told me not to get so worked up about things I can't change. I never really understood that and continued to charge along.

    The prayer is different things to different people. I can't say that I can relate to most of the issues you have, but I definitely have my own.

    The Serenity Prayer has a calming effect on my. Its on my wall, and my coffee cup, and a desk plaque as reminders.

    Its good that it has special meaning for you.

    Too bad we can't learn these coping mechanisms when we are young.
    xx, Carol

  2. pleez, pleeez, pleeeeeez, may I *steal* this new mantra, Robin??????
    "blessed if I do and blessed if I don't."
    It is exactly what I need in my own current moments!

    Also, may I say again (it's been some time, I think) that I thank you for your bravery (transparency) with your emotions here.

  3. Me the blessed if I do and blessed if I don't

    and my 2 cents worth on decisions ...they are NEVER final and never wrong. They are just what is right for me in the moment.


Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it very much.