Saturday, May 19, 2012

Indecision ~ The Beast and Maybe Some Cures

The topic at our OA meeting today came from the daily reading.

Indecision

What causes it and what can I do about it?


Thinking about this topic (with the contributions of other members in mind), I notice that making decisions, for me, is often something that causes a lot of stress and anxiety.
  1. I have it in mind that there is ONE RIGHT (or PERFECT) decision; and therefore one or more wrong decisions.
  2. Many times, I get it in my mind that a decision is an either/or deal
  3. Often, fear of making a decision is based on fear that my husband will not approve of my decision, or that he will prefer that I take a different path than the one which most appeals to me. These fears keep me from discussing the decision with him at all, keeping me stuck in a state of indecision. Sometimes this fear makes me sneaky... eventually making a decision, but not telling him about it until whatever it is is a "done deal," which isn't a very good thing for our marriage.
  4. Somehow, I grew up with the "damned if I do and damned if I don't" belief about decision making. Since I prefer not to be damned, I sit on the fence forever sometimes.
  5. Decisions feel like ending points. Make a decision and stick with it. Make a decision and that's the end of that.
Today's meeting gave me some tools for dealing with the above decision-busters!
  1. I don't have to be perfect. My decisions don't have to be perfect or right.
  2. Most decisions do not have to be either/or. Most of the time, I can consider and take more than one path.
  3. Dealing with my husband's disapproval regarding my decisions is difficult. But keeping our communications open and honest is a priority. I respect his right to disagree with my decisions and my own right to make decisions he doesn't like.
  4. What about changing the old rag? My new mantra is:  "blessed if I do and blessed if I don't."
  5. A decision is never an end. A decision is a new beginning. From the moment of every decision there is a journey to take along a pathway with many more decision points. 
  6. Saying the Serenity Prayer helps in times of indecision.

3 comments:

  1. The first time I read the Serenity Prayer, it changed my life. A prior employer/friend once told me not to get so worked up about things I can't change. I never really understood that and continued to charge along.

    The prayer is different things to different people. I can't say that I can relate to most of the issues you have, but I definitely have my own.

    The Serenity Prayer has a calming effect on my. Its on my wall, and my coffee cup, and a desk plaque as reminders.

    Its good that it has special meaning for you.

    Too bad we can't learn these coping mechanisms when we are young.
    xx, Carol

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  2. pleez, pleeez, pleeeeeez, may I *steal* this new mantra, Robin??????
    "blessed if I do and blessed if I don't."
    It is exactly what I need in my own current moments!

    Also, may I say again (it's been some time, I think) that I thank you for your bravery (transparency) with your emotions here.

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  3. Me too...love the blessed if I do and blessed if I don't

    and my 2 cents worth on decisions ...they are NEVER final and never wrong. They are just what is right for me in the moment.

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