Book writing and two eye surgeries are behind me now. During the 9 months of book and eyes, I've gone off my food plan, returning to some of my former compulsive overeating habits, looking to comfort foods to deal with stress, anxiety, fear and procrastination. I'm admitting it, full disclosure.... I don't weigh myself, but am guessing I gained 10-15 pounds during this time.
Did compulsive overeating, between meal snacking on large quantities of nuts and chips, help me get through the stresses, etc? Did it help me to avoid procrastination. Nope, I don't think so. Actually I used snacks to procrastinate, to avoid working on the book. And I'm certain it added to my stress levels that I was obviously gaining weight.
To my other fears, compulsive overeating added a fear of sinking into the abyss of addiction, returning to binge eating of my abstinence foods, spiraling into horrendous weight gain, until once again I was squeezing into size 18 jeans and avoiding people because of my shame. So, no... it didn't help. I knew it wouldn't, and yet I ate.
I'm going boldly out on a limb here... I FORGIVE myself. I made mistakes and I forgive myself for them. I let got of the mistakes and look to the future.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Today I re-embrace my food plan. Today I let go of the mistakes and begin re-winding the spiral, moving toward healthy eating and following a sensible food plan. The book, eye surgeries and compulsive overeating are behind me now. The blessings of new beginnings grace me.
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Each day is a first. A chance to make choices and FORGIVE....Falling back on old survival behaviors to get through a situation...we ALL do it..
ReplyDeleteThere is NO shame....and what I am learning...yes there are a ton of mistakes but that is just a miss stepped in staking my claim to who I am inside!
Welcome back sweet lady. Forgive yourself. We are so hard on ourselves when we really should just be sweet and kind and gentle.
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