Let me be clear. I am not an angel. I am not blameless. I do enjoy (most of the time) working on the book. I do get engrossed in it to the point of ignoring him. I do emotionally distance him, put him on the back burner, when my attentions are directed toward my family. Maybe I do put them first. Maybe I do care more about doing what I can to make them happy than I do about making my husband happy, at least when they are here. Maybe that is harder on him than I realize or admit.
Calling on the serenity prayer for help: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
- I can not change that I signed a contract and made a commitment to honor book deadlines.
- I can not change my husband's emotions or fix his black hole.
- I can not reverse the plans for my family to come here.
- I can not make my husband be helpful and supportive toward me in the way I need or want.
- I can open my heart toward my husband's underlying abandonment issues with compassion and understanding.
- I can change my expectations of both myself and him and not expect myself to meet all of his needs or him to meet mine.
- I can work on my own anger, blame and resentments.
- I can honor and protect the fearful spirit within me, nurturing myself with understanding and compassion.
- I change how much I expect myself to solve (control) these issues, and turn it all over, instead, to my higher power.
- Yes, the wisdom to know the difference. That's a tricky one. Obviously from the above, I think I know the difference. But do I? I am filled with doubts at the moment.