Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I'm Baaaaaaack!

The book writing is a done-deal now, and thankfully I now have time to write (and read) for myself! For what it's worth, I wrote a series of posts about the process of writing the book, Part 4 of which tells the story of writing the current book.

During the 8 months, I went from a fairly comfortable size 10 jeans back up to snug 12s. Slowly at first, and then increasing my transgressions: eating more than my food plan (heaping my plate or having seconds), adding snacks, binging on chips, slacking on my walking program, not doing my toning exercises. The good news is: I did not eat any of my binge foods. I can still be proud of a year and a half of sobriety in that department.

Everything else is frayed at the edges. Snacking is, I think, the worst part... a hand full (or two or three) of almonds, a piece of toast with pb and honey or jam, a bagel and cream cheese... none of them counted as a meal. Yep, that will put the pounds back on a girl.... legs, tummy, thighs, and face... all showing the increase.... I'm wearing the snacks on my body.

Again, on the gratitude side of things, I have continued to go to OA meetings regularly. Without them, I'm certain my abstinence would have crumbled and I'd be squeezing into size 16s. Yep, that can happen very quickly. My OA group, small and steady, keeps me from unraveling completely. Bless them.

I don't know what to say about the state of my spiritual fitness. It seems shaken, or maybe frayed on the edges. I don't quite trust, don't quite believe, that there is a higher power out there somewhere (or inside somewhere) that will guide me and has my best interests at heart. OA says, "Act as if..." So that means I need to act as if my higher power exists and turn over my control, put myself in the hands of HP. Ooooh, that's a tough order. Act as if... Act as if... Just for today, I will act as if my HP, a force for balance and harmony, will guide me on a path of healthy eating and maybe even walking.

Well, I went to three of my favorite blogs tonight, revisiting dear friends for the first time in 8 months. It makes me happy!!! I'm grateful for their insights, inspiration and understanding!

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Other gratitude: skunk cabbage and daffodils opening their yellow glory even in the snow, quilting and beading, post-it notes, our purring kit-cat.


4 comments:

  1. Welcome back. I have missed you! Congratulations on finishing the book. Congratulations on 531 days of abstinence and congratulations on getting through the whole book-writing business without completely unravelling.

    I'm sure that as your life settles back into a more familiar routine, you will also settle back into your walking and toning routine.

    I am looking forward to the book but I am also looking forward to more frequent entries on both blogs :-)

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  2. Well, writing the book put your life on a tilt. So, you slid a little but you didn't fall off. Now it's time to get back on focus and put yourself first. The weather is turning and nature is giving us a reminder that spring is the time for rebirth. You know what you have to do, the hard part is the focus. You could trade a hexie for a cookie...sounds like a fair trade to me. I may just try that!!
    xx, Carol

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  3. Yes! Just for today....

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