I've been thinking about being married and my friend, who's never been married, these past few days. Seems the best way to express my thoughts on the subject is in a poem....
Either Way
May and June, the wedding season,
take me back to days of writing
‘Mrs. Bob Lewis’ over and over again,
covering pages in my notebook
in print, in script, in cursive.
A few months later, I’m writing
‘Mrs. Ed Hutchinson’, like before
only trying out this new name,
wondering if HE is the ONE,
planning our wedding, our family.
Years, and a couple of lovers later,
I ask, will I ever find the ONE, get married,
have kids and live happily ever after?
A romp of many more years passes
with a few more lovers, fleeing hopes.
I give up on marriage. I am tainted
with the failure of spinsterhood, yet
oddly comfortable in my little home,
paid in full, and my sole proprietorship,
comfortably alone, most of the time.
Meanwhile, my friends are married,
some of them divorced and married again.
I attend bridal showers, weddings.
The baby showers begin, followed by
graduations and the kids’ weddings.
Part of me envies this pattern,
while part of me questions
‘Is this really all it’s cracked up to be?’
Still, it seems my parents would love
for me to settle into
a marriage.
So, yes, at age 55, I meet someone
who seems to be the ONE,
the man of my dreams. We marry.
We struggle to find a balance
between independence and partnership.
A good friend, now in her 70’s,
with a few sweet lovers in her life,
never married. We meet for lunch.
She’s retiring, talking about travel,
making plans, exciting times, happy.
Neither of us has children or grand-kids.
Both of us are capable of great adventures,
she with only herself to consider,
me with a partner, a husband,
who has his own ideas about the future.
Pity not the single ones, the spinsters.
Believe not that marriage is necessary
for contentment in a woman’s life.
Either way, with or without the ONE,
we will have our glory and our pain.
RA
"Either way, with or without the ONE,
ReplyDeletewe will have our glory and our pain".
If only we could have gained this wisdom as we started out.
I've been married almost 35 years. No children. During the great times, it's wonderful. During the hard times, I wonder what my life could have been, if allowed to blossom and follow my dreams without resistance or thinking I had to split my priorities...
Either way, I have glory and pain. I'm choosing to believe the glory outweighs and overshadows the pain.
Very beautiful poem, Robin. Very touching.
What a beautiful poem.
ReplyDeleteI am often amazed at the parallels in our lives. So much of this was familiar to me. Practicing the signature, wondering if 'he' was the one. The years living a single life, lovers now and then, content with my life but still wondering if I would ever marry. When I got together with my now husband in my early 40's, I was concerned about giving up my own home, my own way of life, especially as he has 2 sons that live with us. It was a huge change, a huge risk I thought. But for me it has paid off, I am so happy with my wonderful hubby. We have had a few sticky patches while we adjusted but none that have made me regret my being with him. Most of my embroidery friends are single and I sometimes envy there freedom to go on courses or to shows as they want. J never stops me doing what I want but I love spending time with him, so I have to choose between the things I want to do. I'm not complaining, just reflecting :-)
Every decision we make involves a trade and taking another path than what we could have done. We always wonder where the OTHER path would have taken us and if we would have been more happy there. Good choice or bad, we must make our own happiness. Limbo is a hell of a place to be. At some point, you have to decide WHAT will make you happy. Maybe the ONE is a myth. Maybe we really look for the BEST and if that is the case, are you both each other's BEST. Either way, the ONE or the BEST takes a darn lot of work.
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