Sunday, February 10, 2013

Island or Mainland?

So many things are out of my control right now. I have two active offers on two different homes, which is the most crazy-making thing I've done in a long time.... juggling the expiration dates, getting an extension on one, while I wait to see what happens with the other, the other dragging on, possibly beyond the expiration date. I could end up with neither home.

The good news in all of this is that it seems to be sharpening my awareness of what I want. If I have to start all over to search for a suitable home to buy, at least I have a better idea of what I want and where I want to live.

The fence-sitting process has finally revealed that staying on the island would be feasible, but not optimal. Yes, my established community is important to me. My friends and fellow OA members are amazing, wonderful and important to me.

For a while I thought staying near my husband was also important to me. When I start considering all the good times we've had, the reasons I wanted to be with him, the things I love about him, it seems reasonable to stay in proximity and work at building a friendship together.

On the other hand, I have lived on this island for nearly 16 years now, all of them as a married person... as his wife. How can I establish a new identity if I stay here? How long will it take? He and I are so comfortable going out to dinner together, to the bank, the dump, the movie theatre... I wonder if we'd just segway into our old patterns, while maintaining separate homes, neither of us building a new, independent life?

A related consideration is my tendency to be a "caretaker." Since his back injury and leaving work, he has become more and more a guy who stays home. Knowing me, I would imagine him as missing me and being lonely. I would actively seek to be there for him.

These considerations and a somewhat discouraging inspection report on the island home are the reasons why I made a second offer, this time on a mainland home.

Unfortunately, there was a second offer made the same day. How nice for the seller.. TWO potential buyers! She made counter offers to each of us. And now we wait. The extension on the inspection report on the home here on the island is good until Monday noon. If my mainland offer is still unsettled at that time, I will have to reject the inspection report and exit my offer here.

Nervous Nelly (that's me) needs to go do some hand sewing. For now, for the next several hours, I just have to let go and let God. Whatever happens (island home, mainland home, or neither of them), I will adjust and keep on keeping on.


  1. THAT is actually the BEST decision making, stepping off the fence process I have seen in a long time (not just you) Kudos to you for letting go and TRUSTING the process...answers always reveal themselves just not usually in our desired time frame!

    Thoughts ALWAYS with you!

  2. To trust... to let go and let God. And knowing you WILL be okay, you will adjust and keep on.

    I think that IS the best place to be in, since it is independent from circumstances. You just know that regardless of which way you go, you will be okay, it will work out. It sounds like you've turned a corner, and am closing in on that wonderful thing called Peace.

  3. Boy, you are finally seeing yourself and your feelings more clearly. We all can stay out here and tell you what we think you should do based on what you tell us, but do we REALLY have ANY idea of your deepest feelings and thoughts?

    I was not honest with you. I said staying on the island where your support system is was a good idea. I had no clue that you had only lived there during your marriage. I think that inspection may well be a warning to you.

    I like the way you are thinking..or the part you are telling us now anyway.

    I'm thinking the Universe is giving you guidance...good luck. I have a feeling that this situation will work out for you. Whatever you went for the friends...from a distance.
    xx, Carol

  4. Good for you! It just might be that you'd drift back into your old relationship with your ex. And that did not work out well. It may be that you find that neither house is quite right. Fine. It can take awhile to find the best fit sometimes. Also, just FYI, as a seller, I discovered that buyers can withdraw their offers pretty much any time they like. So don't feel bound to someplace if you just feel it's not quite what you wanted after all. Your inner voice will help you find the right place. Meanwhile, enjoy that peace that hand sewing can give you. Good luck, Peacefulbird!


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