Monday, May 13, 2013

Over the Hump

It came to me in the wee hours of the morning, after writing the previous post about love and divorce, that we are getting unmarried. I like that word, unmarried, much more than divorce. There are no nasty connotations attached to it; plus it's simple, with no strings attached.

The hearing was a bit nerve-racking. I felt like a fish out of water when I walked into court, which was already in session, regarding hearings for other types of cases. I thought maybe I had the wrong date or time. After three or four cases, the judge recessed court, and everyone got up and departed. What the...??????  The clerk was still seated, so I finally mustered the courage to go ask her what was going on. She told me there was a “docket” posted outside the door, and I could go look at it to see if my name was on it. Page 3. There it was. However, I had no idea where they were on the list. Wait. Wait. Wait. Court resumed, more waiting, names called, not mine. At last a name was called, and a young gal walked to the table in front of the judge. I couldn’t hear much of what was said, but it seemed to be a marriage disillusionment. Nice that I got to see the procedure for her and one more after her before my name was called.
Judge looked me in the eyes as I swore to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. He then asked if the marriage was irrevocably over. I remember swallowing hard before answering, “yes.” He then flipped through the documents a few times, asked me a couple of questions about the division of our property, and finally said he saw nothing amiss. Lastly, he looked me in the eyes and asked again, “Is this marriage irrevocably over?” Again I paused and swallowed before replying, “yes.” I wanted to say, yes, your Honor, but we are still good friends. We still love each other. It’s just that we’ve aged differently and need more space, emotionally and physically. These words remained in my head, unspoken.
After a pause, the judge signed the papers, gave them to the clerk, and stated that they could be filed immediately if I so wished. I did and they are. We are  officially unmarried. Glad to have the court thing behind us. That afternoon, I received a bouquet of  red (for love) roses from my wasband. Nice surprise. In the evening we went to dinner to celebrate "new beginnings," the beginning of whatever our relationship will become in the months and years ahead.

This evening, I am officially declaring myself to be over the hump - mostly moved, mostly unpacked, mostly settled in my new home, mostly out of my wasband's home, mostly satisfied with the way things are going, mostly cheerful and optimistic about the future - the downhill side of the hump.

Therefore, I have no further excuse for overeating. I'm done with the book and done with the process of getting unmarried. Time to return to a sensible eating plan. I am powerless to do this on my own. I surrender myself to the balance and harmony of the universe.


  1. This is a peaceful post. I think you ARE over the hump and in a better place.

    "We still love each other. It’s just that we’ve aged differently and need more space"

    No expectations of each other. Friendship. Notice I didn't say "just" friendship.

    Here's to the best day which is yet to come.
    xx, Carol

  2. Red roses and dinner... how gracious after something so difficult. I'm happy you are going to remain friends. That says a lot about both of you. :-)

  3. "Wasband!" Oh, I love that! So much nicer than "ex," when you are on decent terms.

    Congratulations! And here's to the official start of your new life.

  4. I had to swallow down the lump in my throat reading this post, even though it has a hopeful, resolute feel to it. Unmarried, wasband, these are nice, civilized words but I think you have had a nice, civilized resolution of your previous relationship ... and a very nice beginning for your new relationship.

    You won't have to this on your own. I know that you have friends that have helped you over the hump and will support you down the other side. (I suspect your wasband is going to be one of those supporters). And I don't know if it helps but I keep sending good vibes into the universe for you. Plus I KNOW you have it in you, good luck!


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