Friday, July 9, 2010


Short post, I think, today... because I have no clever tricks, no answers and only a little hope.

My husband and I have just had our first counseling session today. This is our homework: Step 1. She tells us we need to identify our resentments toward one another. Step 2. Then I must realize and acknowlege that only I can fix my own resentments. (And same for him.) Step 3. Then I must focus on the positive things about our relationship, list them, fluff them up a bit, shine a light on them. (And same for him.)

It isn't easy, she says. Darn right it isn't easy. She didn't mention forgiveness, yet I'm fairly certain that must be part of it too. We have to forgive each other and ourselves for our resentments and mistakes.

Feeling my feelings of resentment, realizing they are complex and deep, I know there's a lot of work ahead. Am I willing to do this work? I don't honestly know at this moment.


  1. I started reading and wondered if I had missed a post somewhere. Where you talk about your husband and/or marriage. Not knowing more about what is going on, I have to say how much respect I have for you that you are taking the step to go to counseling together. And how impressed I am that your husband will go as well.

    Can you draw from your OA principles to help you with all this?


  2. To Karen ~ Thank you! First marriage for both of us. Married late in life (at age 57, 10 years ago). I've done counseling once before trying to find ways to stay in the marriage. I too am impressed and glad that he consented to try counseling with me at this critical moment and possible turning point in our marriage. Yes, I find OA principles very helpful! Thanks again... PB

  3. Wondering if you're willing to do this work is probably a great first step to looking at things and finding that you are already doing the work, just by thinking about it. Whatever happens with your marriage, getting to the bottom of your own resentments will certainly teach you a lot about yourself. I wish you all success with this.

  4. Lois took my comment. :)

    It is wonderful that you and your husband would even attempt counseling. You'll definitely grow from the experience.

  5. You are working on some huge issues in your life robin and I'm both proud of you and a little worried, so I hope you always remember that you only have to take this one day at a time (I know it's been said a lot, but it's my major mantra and I don't think I'd still be here if I hadn't embraced it wholly.) And chuck & I still go to counseling now and then...issues come up and we find ourselves snapping at each other instead of dealing with our fears and worries. I hope you and robert can find the will and desire to keep going.

  6. I think your decission to go to counseling shows that you both want this marrage to succeed and I wish you both the strength and courage to work through it. This is a very brave step, and a scarey one.


Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it very much.