Friday, June 17, 2011

Size 10 and Stuff

Size 10

A little over a year ago, I looked like an overstuffed sausage in my size 18 jeans. Today, I finally got my nerve readied to try on a pair of size 10 jeans. I've actually been thinking my 12s are a bit baggy for a while now. But it frightened me to try on 10s.

What if they actually fit? Would I have to accept myself the way I am? Would I have to stop thinking of myself as "still having a ways to go?" (That's what I always tell people who say I'm looking really skinny.)

Size 10 jeans and size medium tops... this has been my stated goal for a long time. What if I'm there?

Well, big news... I am! Size 10 in my style of jeans (Lee's classic straight leg) fits me perfectly. I can hardly believe it. I can not wipe the smile off my face. Daaaawgonnnne! Imagination that!

Now I have to consider the above questions. How will I think of myself? What will I say when folks say I'm lookin' good? Maybe just "Thank you!" Will this be a danger point for me in OA, a point of complacency about my food plan? Time will tell.

Me and My Stuff

Two months ago I wrote a post (here, half way down) about hoarding stuff. About that same time, I began to work on a piece of bead embroidery about me and my relationship to my stuff. Here's how it looks (click to enlarge):

bead embroidery by Robin Atkins, Me and My Stuff
This piece totally shocks me. It really does. I expected it to look all ugly and jumbled and messy, just as I feel about having too much stuff. Instead, it's full of life, playfulness, exuberance, fun... How can this be? From writing a poem off this piece, I learned something amazing about me and my stuff, about what it means to me and a lot about why I have so much of it. It's because I'm afraid of forgetting. I wrote about it on my art blog, here.

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Gratitude for today: car wash, size 10 jeans, long days, cool evenings, check marks on my "to do" list!

8 comments:

  1. Bet you look and feel great. I think the biggest block will be to look in the mirror in a month and still think you look great and the mind switch from fat to great. So many times we find ourselves still thinking we look fat. At least that's where I am right now. Weighing in under 140 and still think I am overweight. How do you fix that mind set. Any ideas?
    xx, Carol

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  2. It's great when the weight drops off. Congrats!

    I once worried about
    what I would worry about
    when I lost the weight.
    But that is (was) in the future -
    And when it finally did happen,
    I was so happy -
    I call it my "honey-moon" phase
    of weight-loss!

    And if you are already "there"?
    Maybe a certain size was our stated goal.
    But our real goal is a lifetime adjustment
    of our relationship with food -
    and with ourselves!

    For me - the "real" work
    (aka- discovery) is just starting!

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  3. WooooooHooooooo!

    That must feel great.

    I think a big smile and "Thank you, I feel good" is the response I'd most like to hear. I think compliments are a bit like gifts, at least half of the pleasure is in giving them so we should let the giver know how much we like receiving them.

    I don't think taking pleasure in accepting those compliments will make you complacent. Fitting into a size 10 may be your reward for all of your hard work but from all you have written, establishing a health relationship with food is your real goal and I don't think you will lose sight of that.

    Congratulations, you're looking good :-)

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  4. Well how 'bout that! Congrats to you. I am smiling just picturing it. And a simple "thank you" is perfect:)

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  5. I'm happy for you. Delighted to here how you shift your thinking on things. I feel I/m in a different place with food..trying to have a relationship with food not with rules about food..it's the road less traveled.

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  6. Congrats to you! That must feel good and yes scary at the same time. and your artwork is FABULOUS!

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  7. Fabulous job! You did it! I am so proud of you and the way you dare to investigate what motivates you. Well done.

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  8. First... I am smiling with you over the size 10!!

    Next, my first impression of this piece was of child-like joy and laughter, innocence and freshness. I read your story about it, and was touched to find I could really identify! You might guess.. I have piles of craft materials, including beads and stuff... after all, someday I might want them... ;-)

    I loved the aha you had. And your conclusion, that some will be forgotten and fade, and that is okay... well, at first that scared me. Because when I think of "things", I always connect them to the memories that goes with them. But... you are right, a part of me sees that. But there is this other part... I don't want it to be true...

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