My priorities are unbalanced or a little off-kilter. Right now it seems I'd rather eat than be healthy. Many self-care things have slipped away since I've been working on the book. I exercise less and I eat more. Some part of me still believes that comfort lies in food and that if I'm working hard on something, I don't need to make time to walk or do my toning exercises. What part is that?
The entitlement part? The part that says: If I am burdened in any way, I deserve to eat. Does it help? NO! Does it make me feel better? NO! Does it get the work done. NO! (I didn't want to write "no" there, because eating seems so forever linked to good and productive writing for me). But, truthfully, the answer has to be no. I don't even test it.
Could I test the hypotheses? Could I for JUST ONE DAY eat according to my food plan (3 sensible meals, no seconds, no snacks) and see if I accomplish any good writing? Could I just do that much? Could I make that a priority? Yes, I certainly could. But will I? What if I say, Yes, I will do that. I will do it tomorrow. What if I say, I will write a report about how it went tomorrow night. Nothing but entitlement to stop me. One of our other OA members says, I can do anything for one day. Surely if that person can, I can too. Can vs. will. Can and will. OK, it's a deal then. I will conduct this experiment for one day. Maybe it will be a myth-buster. Maybe I don't need food to write. Maybe I do. Tomorrow is the test day.
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Today's gratitude: Leah, my fabulous Sony Cyber-shot camera (again), ripe cherry tomatoes (again), everybody who gave support and comments about the situation with my husband (which is much improved right now), pansies, drizzle as an occasion to get out the flannel shirts for fall.