So I've been thinking about that. What are the fears, and under them, what is my deepest fear? How can my husband's displeasure with me have such a profound affect on me? I balk at writing anything.... afraid to look at it or honestly not knowing what it is? OK, what MIGHT it be. Ten things I might be afraid of when I feel resentment and anger toward my husband:
- I am in prison, controlled by a somewhat benevolent jailor.
- I am incapable of pleasing him.
- If he is not pleased with me, then I am not OK as a person.
- I do not perceive he cares about me; therefore I am not worthy of kindness.
- I do not perceive he respects me; therefore I am not worthy of respect.
- I made a mistake when I hooked up with this man.
- I am not capable of maintaining a healthy marriage.
- I am not free; I am under his control.
- I don't know how to maintain boundaries.
- I don't know how to get what I need and want in this marriage.
The oddest thing of all is that he'd probably say the same thing about me... that I abandon him and forsake him in his time of need.
Well, no light bulbs tonight. That's the way it goes sometimes...
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Gratitude for the day: some decent book progress today, lunch with a friend, women friends in general, writing, amazing digital cameras (little things that don't cost much and take really good pictures)