Monday, October 18, 2010

Be Patient

Once again, Jules (Big Girl Bombshell) soundly struck a chord in me. The title of her post, Serene Silence... Stopping the Pursuit, offers profound wisdom in just five words. Somehow knowing that my pursuit of answers, especially concerning my marriage, feels like an endless and pointless chase, I crave serene silence of my mind.

Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart.
Try to love the questions themselves.
Do not now seek the answers
which cannot be given you
because you would not be able to live them now.
And the point is to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps, you will then gradually without noticing it,
live along some distant day into the answer.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke

Isn't Jules saying the same thing as Rilke in the above poem? Love the question. Live the question now. How can I do that? Live everything. That I understand a little better; that maybe I can do. Patient? I was not so patient today. I wanted resolution. I wanted the decision about staying or not staying in my marriage to be made.

Chewing the inside of my lips, being tempted by all kinds of baked goods and candy, feeling resentful that I can't use these substances to numb my fretting mind, self-pity close to the surface and ugly even to my eyes, I plowed through the day as if on a tractor constantly bogging down in mud and driving rain. How sweet to finally come in from the rain, to stop the pursuit, even if just for the moments of this writing! Be patient, says Rilke. Yes, I say, and live everything!


  1. My heart really goes out to you at the moment. From your words, your current turmoil is plain to see but there is little or nothing we can do to help other than to remind you we are here, caring about you, routing for you, hoping with all my heart that you find the path for you.

    The only thing I can add is that when I went through a similar turmoil, two things helped me to find my way. First I asked myself very basic questions, mostly ones I could answer instantly, yes or no. This helps me focus on what I wanted. Secondly, I accepted that the only thing I could change was me. So my next question was "Can I, and am I willing to change me?" and the answers showed me more clearly what I really wanted.

  2. Interesting that your analogy is a tractor!
    Such a useful tool - especially for foodies!
    But now it is "bogged down."

    You loved the "Giants" (wind turbines)
    so much on your trip.
    They just move and sway in the wind
    From which ever direction it blows!

    Don Quixote would be amazed!

  3. You and Jules are awfully deep for my mind this morning! I am not a naturally patient person. Sigh. You did a great job not using food. Many would tell you that is exactly what you should keep doing because only by not tamping down the feelings with food can you ever understand and accept them.

  4. AND my dear..that is why blogging and recovery go hand in gives us thoughts and ideas to propel us to take what we NEED and leave the rest.....Did u read the other post...Not in Oz anymore...might give you some more food for thought! It is MY recovery journey....

    Keep writing! Keep moving forward...that is how we ALL help and support each other!

  5. What a beautiful poem. Very helpful for me..Thanks for this. You would be in the same place if you chose to eat off your food plan, I am sure you know this. It just would not help. You are going through your pain without drug of choice. Its a choice you make on a day to day basis. You are doing really well. Julie C

  6. I am in the position of knowing several people who are breaking up or thinking seriously about doing so. Lots of changes happening this particular year for many particular reasons. Yes, live your questions! This will help you to see whether they are actually the questions you want to ask and have answers for. Not being a terribly patient person myself, I also try to bring things down to "yes" or "no," "pass" or "fail." I find that that works very well for me. My heart always tells me the truth.

  7. Marriage is hard. Very hard.

    And, sometimes miserable. Very miserable.

    I feel for you; I really do.

    Live your questions. Hmmmm....I might go around and say that... I like it.

    Hang in there. Not making a decision is making a decision.

  8. this is the 2nd time I've read this post this week and it is helping more this time...I am struggling with a play I am in and the feelings it is bringing up and I really want to isolate and eat. Patience: not something I am used to. If what I am feeling right now is not pleasant I want to run away, not experience it, escape it in some way. Live with the questions just as they are. Trust that my HP is navigating my journey. NOT easy.
    Here's to slogging through the mud seperately, but together in spirit, strength and hope.

    Bridget in Vermont

  9. I keep thinking about "The Question" becoming a looming third party in a marriage. Its presence making the interactions between wife and husband stilted and self-conscious, overly-weighted. "The Question" is like a house guest that should have packed up and gone home last week, so life can settle down to normal. I wonder how many of the problems would just go away if the "The Question" got booted out. (No advice or judgments here...just thinking.)


  10. Hi there-
    Just checkin in to say "Hello!"
    Hope all is well!


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