Today is my 77th day of abstinence, round two. The first 77 days went quite well and then on day 78 I decided to have an ice cream cone, a breach of abstinence. So I began the count again at zero the next day. At the time, it seemed like it would take forever to reach day 77 again. Yet, here I am! Actually, it's gone rather quickly and painlessly.
Tomorrow will be challenging. I'm taking a class and there will be goodies on the tables and along a buffet counter all day long. I'm taking my favorite cottage cheese and apple lunch. Also, I plan to be hyper aware if the candy bowl on our table is causing me any trouble. If it does, I'll ask my table mates if we can remove it! Promise!
Yes, I have a plan... yet today I am reminded of how fragile sobriety is and of how easy it is to think I have control of the situation. No I don't, not me. Control is an illusion.
A dear friend lost a LOT of weight mostly by working the Weight Watchers program. She'd also been in OA for a long time and understands/accepts her addiction. For me, she's totally validated the idea of loosing weight and maintaining the loss. I know it's possible because of her.
Well, it's been more than a year since I saw her last. Now she's here visiting and I see she's put much of her weight back on again since then.
Fragile sobriety. Something pops. We turn a corner and smack our faces into a chocolate decadence cake. The bottom is reached and up we go again. The dreaded yo-yo. I'm without words to express my sadness about her upward swing or about my fear of all the corners ahead in my own recovery process.
Yet the OA literature is full of stories by those who have recovered - regained their sanity, changed their emotional responses to life's irritants and held to a healthy food plan - staying clean and sober for decades.
Will I be like them or like my friend? I don't know. I can only pray for help and keep trying one day at a time.