Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Who Are Our REAL Friends?

Funny thing happened at our County Fair a couple of weeks ago. A friend and I were walking through the main building past the exhibitions of baking and canning where they always put out samples of the baked goods. I'm a sucker for samples... Unless I'm really being conscious, I put out my hand without even thinking.

And that's sort of what happened. I noticed a tray of cookie bits and another tray of small slices from the cakes. Nope, uh-uh... those are binge foods. Oh, but loooookie here... a tray of breads! Several chunks of white bread and here's a very dark-looking bread, maybe pumpernickel or Russian rye? Breads are not on my binge list, so conveniently overlooking my food plan which does not include any eating between meals, my hand went out and snagged that dark bread.

"But wait!" cautioned my friend, who knows about my OA commitments and sometimes reads this blog, "You don't want to eat that!"

Oh yeah? Them there're fightin' words... The fast-acting, non-thinking rebel in me had that bite in my mouth before she finished her thought. Munch, munch.... Uh-oh... this isn't pumpernickel or rye... this is sweet bread, raisin-zucchini maybe. That would be in the pastry department, wouldn't it? Yep, on my binge list. Oh sh**t! Too late to spit it out... down the hatch already.

I didn't say anything about it to my friend; nor did she mention it again. But I thought about it a lot... thought about the rebel in me and about how she gets me in trouble... about how I might want to look at that and do some 4th step work around my rebellious nature.

A week later at our OA meeting, I told this sad tale. When it was his turn to speak, one of the other members talked about his past habits of unconscious eating and rebellious eating. Then he said something very important. He said, referring to my friend, "Those are our REAL friends... the ones who ask us 'Do you really want to eat that?' The kind of friends who say, 'Oh come on, you can have a little taste' or 'just this once won't hurt you' are the ones we don't need around us." Right on, bro!

So, if my REAL friend is reading this post, I thank you kindly for your support and encourage you to nudge me any time you see me faltering. The rebel may win, but your words will stay with me and help me to win the next time.


  1. There's that fine line again - balance/moderation.

    A little really won't hurt....
    Because, as A Course In Miracles says:
    "Nothing is ever lost but time,
    which in the end is meaningless..."
    Meaningless in the sense that
    right now is all there is - of time.

    And now..... and now.....
    Every moment is a chance to chose again
    when we make a "wrong" choice....
    Or could make a better one!

  2. I learned that about friends a long time ago!!

    This is my way to avoid these sampling situations whether at the grocery store, farmers market etc.

    A long time ago I put it in my head that thousands of people pass by those samples and how disgustingly germ infected they must be. I ain't takin' no samples, no how, no way. Works for me!!

  3. Or maybe it's that our real friends know what we need at that moment and respond accordingly? I like that thought and am blessed to have those kinds of people in my life.

  4. I am torn reading this. I agree that the ones who say "a bite won't hurt" or who offer us temptation are not doing us any favors. But I am not sure that I want my friends to say ANYTHING about my eating. Maybe because I can imagine myself also reacting with "Oh you think I shouldn't eat this cookie, well then I'll eat two!" Or because it would all just feel awkward. My husband and I have talked some about how he can help and not help me. It is so complicated for me just thinking about what role I would want anyone else to play in this whole thing. Sorry to ramble.

  5. A very nice tribute to your friend on a very touchy subject.

    Sometimes I would be OK with being policed, and sometimes not. Not that a friend could tell the difference in those times before saying anything!


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