Sunday, May 9, 2010

Refrigerator Poem

Fifteen years ago, after successfully dieting for a while, I wrote this poem:



Full refrigerator.
Humming refrigerator.
What's in my refrigerator?
Old salad dressings caked under bottle caps,
lettuce and asparagus, too yucky to eat.

Full freezer.
Humming freezer.
What's in my freezer?
Chicken breasts,
Things for making healthy meals
if only I could remember to thaw them.

What's the key
to my refrigerator
and my freezer?
Just care.
Care enough.
Let the sound of its humming remind me
to nourish my soul, take care of my body.


What's in my refrigerator?
False promises, that's what.
All expectations from food --
that it will make me less lonely,
that it offers strength, where there is fear,
that it sooths disappointments
like a lullaby from mother's lips,
that from food comes reality.
Oh yes, my refrigerator
has held promise all my life.
I'm chained to it, barely able to feel anything
for the numbing solace of food.


I wear the refrigerator
around my neck,
not as a shawl,
but as a yoke.


Dear old refrigerator,
faithful old friend,
I've cast you off now.
I'm not wearing you
around my neck anymore.

I'm ashamed of all the years
I've held your hand.
Yet I look back and see you
as the most dependable anchor
in the deep waters of my life.
I miss you, dear pal.
You, like no person
and no other thing,
were always there for me.

I feel naked and scared
without you around my neck.
When I believe no one cares,
when there are too many
rocks in my path,
what will I do?

I look at you
and the answer comes to me.
I'll wear these words
in your place
to remind myself
that you are too heavy a load,
that rocks are just rocks,
that the Universe cares.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Since writing this poem, I've done the 10 to 50 pound yo-yo thing at least 8 times. What happened? I'm pretty certain that each time some event(s) triggered strong emotions... fear, loneliness, grief, possibly anger, possibly boredom. Under the influence of these emotions, I plum forgot that rocks are just rocks and that the Universe cares, which caused me to fall under the spell of my refrigerator... again.

That's why I'm in OA now. Because I forget about the Universe, the caring entity that some call God. Through OA I hope to come to a less shaky faith where I won't forget. And if I do, my sponsor and other members will remind me.... YES, the Universe does care.


  1. And the people in your universe care too. Hugs.

  2. Yes the universe does care. I think that sometimes I thinks its easier to think the universe does not care so I can just be a victime to my thinking. So twisted isn't it? It does take work to change it around. But it has moved for me. Julie C

  3. Your refrig doesn't care, but the universe does! Write a poem about that and post it on your refrig to make it jealous.

    Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.


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