Monday, May 10, 2010

Three Things I CAN Change

Crabby, out of sorts today... and not much accomplished. Lots of food thoughts. Actually I don't consider the things I was thinking about as food.

For a couple of months, my husband and I were both addicted to apple (him) and blueberry (me) fritters... the gigantic fluffy kind, mighty sweet, mighty full of calories and mighty emply of anything else. We'd talk about splitting one, but often we each got one thinking that we'd have half one day and half the next. Ha! Never happened.

So today I got to thinking about those fritters and a huge craving started growing. Although I knew I wouldn't give into the craving, it has stuck with me all day.

Another thing on my mind was a type of home-made, dark chocolate almond toffee that I saw at our local grocery market yesterday when I was shopping. When I saw it, I actually picked up a celophane bag of it, held it in my hand, admired the darkness of the chocolate and the thickness of the toffee.

Today, thinking about it, I began to feel sorry for myself.... began to think about never, ever having such a delicious treat again. One day at a time went out the window, replaced by deprivation depression.

My husband says I should remember how much chocolate I've eaten in my 67 years and reconfigure my thinking to see that I've used up my chocolate quota, punched all the holes in the ticket, been there done that.

The good news is, for this one day I did not deviate from my food plan at all... despite the cravings. The not so hot news is, I don't have a clue what is going on emotionally (or IF anything is going on emotionally) that has triggered this craving.

I'll see if a Ten Things List will help. Ten things that might be behind me to wanting to consume binge foods today:

  1. Mother's Day blues... my mom being far away and not being able to talk on the phone with her or communicate with her directly.
  2. Mother's Day blues... me not having any kids.
  3. My messy and disorganized work spaces in our house.
  4. Not setting aside chunks of time to work on my art projects.
  5. Feeling lonely.
  6. My best woman friend not being available lately.
  7. Frustration about noise levels; my husband always having radios and TV going in every room and always his choice of music.
  8. Not enough time alone in peace and quiet.
  9. Head and eye pain from squinting (wearing 10-year old glasses while new prescription is being filled)
  10. Worry about the world, oil spill, financial system, overpopulation, environment, etc.
Well, yes, it's probably a combination of these things, maybe some others too... So, I just thought about the serentiy prayer... Don't know it yet by heart... Checking on line... Ah, here it is:

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Taking a look at my list again, what CAN I change? Numbers 3, 4 and 8 are definite canidates. OK, dear journal, here's the deal. I am making a commitment right now:

  1. For each of the next 5 days, I will clean up/organize at least one area, starting this evening with the clutter right around my computer. I will report my progress each day.
  2. For each of the next 5 days, I will spend at least one hour working on an art project. I will report my progress each day.
  3. For each of the next 5 days, I will go wherever I need to go to be alone with no radio or TV sounds for at least one hour. I will report my progress each day.

We shall see how it goes. I want to be like PJ and not beat myself up if I fail to meet this commitment. Also, like her, I want to give it high priority, because they ARE things I can change.


  1. Great job staying on your plan despite those cravings!!

    Your list is a great idea. Lately I have been feeling out of sorts and maybe this is just the exercise I need for some self-reflection. I love how you asked yourself which of those things are within your control and then set goals.

    What a motivating post for me today:)

  2. we could be twins! This is a great are basically just trying to feed your soul and learning how to do it in new ways. The new ways are not as familiar and immediate and not always oral (which is calling back to infancy).
    The mother's day thing was probably a big piece of this. But also living with out pacifying your emotions with food is hard stuff. period. you are an doing incredible job.

  3. I really like your plan to change some items on your Ten Things list, Peaceful Bird. Your goals seem completely reasonable and attainable. I am really glad that you will be dedicating time to working on art projects because your wonderful creativity is such an important part of who you are. I know that when I neglect my creative spirit, the rest of my life begins to unravel. Even if I just doodle a zentangle or two, I feel better. As for needing peace and quiet, I think that it's a fantastic idea to find time everyday to enjoy the quiet. It's amazing how many unique kinds of quiet there empty house, alone in the car, a library, a chapel, an art museum, a secluded cove, a path in the woods...even using ear plugs is a unique kind of quiet, different from all the rest. I love how good my mind and body feels from absorbing all of that wonderful quiet. I wish you the best of luck with your goals and I am looking forward to hearing about your progress. Pam

  4. That self-examination is powerful stuff. Sometimes, I go through periods of being so mad that I can't eat what I want. Why does food have to make me fat??? WHY? WHY? WHY? Why do I have to have a bad habit that I ultimately can't hide??

    You husband's concept of a chocolate quota punch card is cute. He seems to have a good sense of humor and a way of lightening you up. That's worth a lot!!

    Keep reporting on your progress toward your goals. That is good accountability for you and good motivation for me. I'm going to set some goals, too. Tomorrow.... or maybe the next day. OK, by the end of the weekend, my goal is to have some goals. How about that?

    Shhhh..... Peaceful Bird needs some peace and quiet....

  5. To All ~ What GREAT comments! I love you all and am so grateful for your companionship on this journey.

    To Pam ~ I love, LOVE your listing of unique kinds of silence. Oh, that made me feel good!

    To Genie ~ I wish my husband's humor would lighten me... I mean literally, of course. LOL. I'm looking forward to reading about your goals.

    To PJ ~ I never thought about food being a primary reward since infancy. Good point... No wonder it's so difficult to find new ways to feed my soul.

    To Karen ~ Thanks... your posts are always motivating for me too!


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