Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Ooooops.... Feels Like I'm Slippin'

One fitness/recovery blogger I'd really like to meet is PJ, who just wrote a post about mojovation (here). Her word is so perfect, that it needs little explanation... and it's what I need right now.

My binge foods are still totally OK and most days I'm exercising. That's the good news.

Everything else seems to be slipping, a tad here and a tad there. I'm eating a little too much. I'm nibbling a bit more than say a month ago. I'm making less healthy food choices. I'm not doing my daily writing or keeping up with blogging. I've been compulsive about quilting and art projects, staying up until all hours of the night and not getting enough sleep. My commitment to eat lunch meditatively is failing. I'm procrastinating horribly with chores. Mojovation is lacking.

This trend frightens me.

Tonight I'm thinking about why, about what's under my current lack of mojovation?

Maybe it's troubles between my husband and me. We are in marriage counseling, as noted in previous posts. On Friday I'm going on a week-long trip with him. I never wanted to go on this trip and at first refused. In fact, that's what precipitated the blow up and got us talking about divorce and then counseling. Recently, I changed my mind about going because I figure it will lessen his resentments and hopefully make counseling more productive for us.

However, I still don't want to go. Long story why not... doesn't matter. Point is, I'm now faced with 6 travel days, restaurant meals, several make-shift sleeping arrangements (uncomfortable beds) and little expectation of good times.

A very young and very wise, friend tells me, "You need to manifest fun." OK, yes, I agree. That's what I should do. But what I want to do is to stay home! Maybe that's why I'm slippin'.

Ten things I hope want (and will work toward) for our trip:
  1. Unexpected fun happens
  2. My husband is happier with me
  3. My husband gives more positive energy to counseling when we return
  4. It isn't as hot as the forecast says it will be
  5. We ride safely (we're doing the motorcycles thing again)
  6. I don't fall off my abstinence program this time
  7. My attitude comes around to a more positive spin on the trip
  8. My husband's expectations are not disappointed
  9. I live the serenity prayer.
  10. I give "grace" to my husband and his friends

I may not blog again for a while... not until we return probably. It's 2 am and I'm beat... but I'm glad I took the time to write tonight, as I think I've discovered what's behind my hiding mojovation. Writing the Ten Things list helps.


  1. Reading this makes me sad on many levels.

    Okay, I am going to hold you in my heart more than usual this week and keep sending good vibs in your direction.

    You are doing so well. This part of the journey may be more difficult but I think you have the strength and resolve to get through this tough patch.

    You can take the trip for your husbands benefit and at the same time stick to your plan for your benefit.

    Stay strong, I'll be thinking of you.

  2. I had felt your absence and wondered about you. Worried. I have also identified with PJs mojo posts; mine has slipped a lot in the past months.

    One thing that struck me about this post is your hopes for your trip. You are very precise with you language. So I wondered about that word "hope."

    Regardless, I will be thinking of you and also hoping that your trip far exceeds your expectations:) Hugs.

  3. I would love to meet you too. I've never ridden on a motorcycle for more than a few minutes , so I'm not sure what the experience is like for you. But I hope you find time to dream and to enjoy nature. To create art or poetry or mojo in your mind, and then put down in words your plans to bring this to fruition. To share Life with your husband.

  4. I've been concerned about you, too, Peacefulbird. It's good to see a post from you, even if it is one about struggling. I hope you'll cut yourself a little slack here. Since you can see what's happening, you can make corrections and still stay on course, even with a little wobbling.

    Some of this "slippage" may have to do with the tendency to start to slack off of a program. It's what happens when the weight comes back, the old habit returns, the resolve falters... There's a part of me that doesn't want to make or complete a change sometimes, and that part of me will carefully sneak up and before I know it, I'm back to doing whatever it was I wanted to change. I'm sure the conflict you're having right now with the marriage is not helping any, either.

    You are much nicer than I am -- no way would I take a trip I didn't want to go on! My suggestion is to take your camera and take pictures, and look for something beautiful. Everywhere I go, no matter where it is, I can always find something beautiful there-- a color, a sound or texture, a trick of lighting. I hope that doesn't sound too "Pollyanna". I'm really not that sort of person. But I do find a lot of comfort in finding beauty. My other suggestion: take a book or two. :- )

    I'm sending you hugs and the hope that your trip will turn out to be even better than you hope it will be. Whatever happens, I'll bet some interesting art will come out of it all at some point.

  5. Love Love this! Now, let your list into the wind...As you ride on that back of the motorcycle..let those thoughts pass through but not linger...enjoy the scenery! I will be back to see how it went!

  6. Holding you in the light, dear bird.

  7. To Coral Seas ~ I love what you said: "You can take the trip for your husbands benefit and at the same time stick to your plan for your benefit." Right on!!!

    To Karen ~ What a perceptive point about my word "hope"... I changed it. Had to look up the HTML code for it... great to know that now. And the wording is more precise. Thanks!

    To PJ ~ Since I'm driving my own motorcycle, I can't let my attention wander too much, but I do like your idea of focusing my thoughts on dreams, art, poetry and nature! I rarely lean on food for comfort when in that realm...

    To Lois ~ Your camera idea is perfect for me!!! I'm setting a goal to post a few of the pictures here! Thanks and (((hugs))) back to you!!!

    To Jules ~ Off into the glorious wind it is... driving my own motorcycle, exposed to all the surrounding environment be it freeway traffic or mountains and streams (we'll have some of both).

    To BB ~ You are a dear heart and feel your tender light. Thank you.

  8. I left a comment here - I guess blogger ate it....
    Just wanted to say I would be thinking good thoughts and sending them in your general direction!


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