My binge foods are still totally OK and most days I'm exercising. That's the good news.
Everything else seems to be slipping, a tad here and a tad there. I'm eating a little too much. I'm nibbling a bit more than say a month ago. I'm making less healthy food choices. I'm not doing my daily writing or keeping up with blogging. I've been compulsive about quilting and art projects, staying up until all hours of the night and not getting enough sleep. My commitment to eat lunch meditatively is failing. I'm procrastinating horribly with chores. Mojovation is lacking.
This trend frightens me.
Tonight I'm thinking about why, about what's under my current lack of mojovation?
Maybe it's troubles between my husband and me. We are in marriage counseling, as noted in previous posts. On Friday I'm going on a week-long trip with him. I never wanted to go on this trip and at first refused. In fact, that's what precipitated the blow up and got us talking about divorce and then counseling. Recently, I changed my mind about going because I figure it will lessen his resentments and hopefully make counseling more productive for us.
However, I still don't want to go. Long story why not... doesn't matter. Point is, I'm now faced with 6 travel days, restaurant meals, several make-shift sleeping arrangements (uncomfortable beds) and little expectation of good times.
A very young and very wise, friend tells me, "You need to manifest fun." OK, yes, I agree. That's what I should do. But what I want to do is to stay home! Maybe that's why I'm slippin'.
Ten things I
- Unexpected fun happens
- My husband is happier with me
- My husband gives more positive energy to counseling when we return
- It isn't as hot as the forecast says it will be
- We ride safely (we're doing the motorcycles thing again)
- I don't fall off my abstinence program this time
- My attitude comes around to a more positive spin on the trip
- My husband's expectations are not disappointed
- I live the serenity prayer.
- I give "grace" to my husband and his friends
I may not blog again for a while... not until we return probably. It's 2 am and I'm beat... but I'm glad I took the time to write tonight, as I think I've discovered what's behind my hiding mojovation. Writing the Ten Things list helps.